An Important Note...

 

Some back story

 

     I've always loved art and I've always done art. From the very young age of one and a half, my first box of crayons opened up the world to me in new and exciting ways. Scribbles!

 

     Over time with practice and the talent/ potential everyone saw in me, I threw myself harder at creating. People liked it and I lived for it.

 

     Praised by teachers, peers, family, hell - I even won a JCPenny Easter coloring contest - followed by art achievement awards throughout school. I was selected to attend an Art All State in my state and planned to go to college for art.

 

     Life isn't perfect though and things happen. I did one year of college with the full intention of continuing but at the last second I couldn't go back. Medical bills went against my mother's credit. No student loan. My future felt like it crumbled away, faded to grey - the grey life I was now stuck in without color. No art. No college. I didn't know what to do. I was 19.

 

     My mom started keeping track of rent I owed without ever including me in on the conversation. I couldn't take her arguing with her husband all day every day as that’s just how it was there year after year, and any part time job I had was dismal. I didn’t want this to be my life.

 

     I met someone and moved to Boston. A new exciting life awaited me - or so it seemed. My first real landlord pulled a scam and kicked us out after 5 months. He withheld the security deposit to renovate the place after claiming we ruined all the floors. No money for court, or a new apartment, we became homeless. I had also been looking into going back to school and couldn't even make the tour date before this happened. We had to move in with relatives and stay on a laundry room floor, living room couch cushions, unheated basement, etc.And still take care of my cats. The job market at this time was also horrific, so hundreds of applications yielded no real results. And the people we needed to stay with… well...

 

     Toxic bridge after toxic bridge burned, living with -you guessed it - toxic people (drunks, senile old people, diabetics and bipolar people who didn't take their meds, condescending judgemental asshats, you name it), I got a break and stayed in my uncle's empty apartment. No distractions. No toxic people. Just focus.

 

My start in the furry art niche

 

     I started my first iron artist on FA. The feedback was amazing. I mean i just started on DA with little sparkledog designs until people started asking me to do anthro characters. I ditched DA's little drama fest and started taking real work on FA . It was just a hobby at first. I didn't know I could basically do this full time. I saw others doing iron artist challenges and jumped on board. So many people were interested in my art and in just one month I got up enough for a cheap apartment! I did that. ME. I was shocked.

 

     Then I continued to support and carry the dead-weight of my gas-lighting, narcissistic, actually a sociopath ex… but we'll skip right over that time where I was a workaholic for years until he blindsided-ly decided to leave me to go be the person he really was instead of continuing to lie to me (the entire 6 years we were together..) We wanted very different things apparently. Good riddance!

 

     But my life felt like the rug was ripped out right under me and I went hurdling into a major depressive episode that lasted a month and a half. I had spent so much time working and no time being myself or having any kind of life really.. that I kind of lost myself. My immune system suffered too and i got pneumonia soon after that. I got back up though and started meeting people.

 

     I soon met my current bf and he is leagues above anyone else I've ever dated or met for that matter. And I'm so glad to have him. (2 and ½ years now woo!)

 

     But life isn't perfect and I started noticing I wasn’t quite right.

 

Living with depression now

 

     I'm still struggling with depression. It wasn't just a one time deal. Something in me just, broke. I used to never cry now I cry at everything and nothing. It's super frustrating. The bouts of unexplained sadness brought me to seek help.

 

     I had only begin to get help when we moved to FL.( I'm from MA) I've been going through the trial and error of medications. Some made me a zombie, some made me enraged. I also tried talking to counselors. I've been reading self help books and learning to relax and discovering ASMR and doing CBT workbooks and  trying new things in the hopes that something sticks ‘cuz i haven't had the same interest in my old hobbies.

 

     And unfortunately I didn't know what I signed up for moving here. I moved in with drunks. And they are also old, stubborn, rude, etc. It's truly awful. My bf and I are really struggling. We only moved down here as a last resort since MA is expensive and we were out of time finding a place and potential roommates.We decided this would help us pay off some debt, get a car, and move on. But our room is like a prison. And the humidity is the most absolute fucking worst (fitz reference) next to these people. We are losing our sanity here. And my bf is the most patient person I have ever met in my life. (He wants to be a counselor himself, has his BA is psychology.)

 

     We've been here a year and personally, I'm more stressed out than I've ever been and I've only accumulated debt living here. It's a nightmare.

 

     I don't want to go into a long list of concerns and venting (it's a LOT), but it's been hard and it's also hard to heal in a toxic environment like this.

 

A note to commissioners

 

     To anyone waiting on art from me, I am truly sorry. I never intend to keep you waiting. It just happens it seems because of my current living situation/circumstances and depression. I hope you can understand and remain patient with me.

 

     I'm trying to only take in stream commissions from now on so I can't build up a queue that becomes an owed queue. I'm working on my off stream queue as much as I am capable between streams. And I'm trying to remain positive and persistent. I hope you are rooting for me ‘cuz I can use all the love and support I can get to get back to a functioning normal.

 

     I would love to move on to do more original art and more projects like my tarots in the future. You can become a VIP member at http://jasmaeart.com/vip if you’re interested in perks like my VIP raffle! Art is my calling and I hope to continue to have your support while I change and grow.

 

     Thank you for your time to those who read this. 

     And ty for my friends who put up with my venting.

-Jasmae